Toxic Parents, It’s not about Blaming, It’s about Reclaiming
Does this mean that we expect that our parents should have been perfect in every way? Well, no. We are all human and we can all lose control and act out in hurtful ways from time to time. The problem occurs when children are subjected to chronic toxic parenting.
The chronic toxic parents can have a profoundly negative affect on the development of a child. Often the children take responsibility for the parents’ deficient behavior, and that is where part of the problem starts. As the child struggles to “fix” the problem they are painfully unaware that the problem is not theirs and they have no power to change/fix it. In an endless struggle to find love a child will take responsibility for the behavior of the toxic parent and that is often the genesis of anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and troubled relationships.
Over time the child develops patterns of survival (although helpful at that time) that turn out to be very negative in adult (mature) relationships.
As a bare minimum parents must consistently provide …..
“1. They must provide for their children’s physical needs.
- They must protect their children from physical harm.
- They must provide for their children’s needs for love,attention, and affection.
- They must protect their children from emotional harm.
- They must provide moral and ethical guidelines for their children.”
(Susan Forward, 2002)
Once we can look at what has happened and reassign the responsibility for toxic parenting back to the parents, then and only then, can we start to move forward with personal healing. Reclaiming personal power requires an understanding of what happened and how it changed your life.
Then you can take responsibility for your present moment and your future direction. Personal power comes from healing old wounds and turning them into your personal wisdom.