Have you ever wondered why you do the things you do or perhaps why others act in a way that seems to defy logic or reason. At times we may judge others in our lives or even harshly judge ourselves but there must be reasons we all act the way we do. The psychotherapy literature is filled with theories suggesting reasons for this and reasons for that but how can they all be true, or perhaps none of them true? Read More
I tend to believe that many of the theories that try to explain our behaviour are true but incomplete. That is to say, they hold a nugget of truth but not all the truth. We are complicated dynamic creatures living in a complicated world that is also ever changing. We have genetic influences and environmental influences (social, physical, emotional, spiritual) that combine in infinite ways to modify our growth and development.
All that being said, we can see patterns that help us refine our personal work in a particular way to yield optimal results. Consider the following descriptions and decide which one best describes you or someone you know:
1) Clingy, unable to cope with uncertainty or change in life or relationship. Seeking constant reassurances and safety.
2) Excessively protective, and unable to allow risk-taking, or steps towards independence. The world is dangerous and the worst will happen.
3) Little affective sharing. Little or no emotional expression is ever evident. The person is “rebellious” but actually has a low self-image and low self-esteem.
4) Volatile in their approach. Inconsistent between appropriate and inappropriate responses what the world brings them. You may feel like you are walking on eggshells when you are around them. You never know if you are going to be praised or abused in some way.
5) Comfortable with change, tolerant of others, and accepting alternate ways of seeing the world. Don’t have to be right but like to contribute to a solution. Adventurous, spontaneous, humorous, open.
If you recognize yourself in one of the simple descriptions above then congratulations, you are human. If you recognize someone else then remember they are human also. You may even recognize someone in that list that is not acceptable to you. I highlight these few differences so that we can see clearly, so we can discern but not so we can judge. Each one of us comes to this place with a unique set of determinant factors. Differences do not imply right or wrong, broken or whole, merely differences. Remember, you (or the people you recognize) have the capacity to change through awareness and personal work.
If the differences you see are a source of difficulty in your life or the lives of those around you it would suggest that work is required to bring balance to your life situation. Each of us has free will so we can continue on our existing path of suffering or … simply make a change.
All theories aside, you are the one who is the captain of your own ship. You are the author, the warrior, the seeker and your personal journey is important to you and those around you. Please continue to invest in yourself and the development of your full capacity.
